10/10/08
OM. Haimavati,
Shillong
25/8/63
My dear Gautam,
Your letter of the 20th.
So Kiki has broadcast her mantra and it is now the “secret” of everyone. How funny of her.
I have not yet heard from Mr Gupta. He will send the books etc. To Usha. I don’t remember what books were left behind. There were three or four magazines perhaps. If Gopi comes to Shillong, can you send with him a flower-cushion (last time we bought from the New Market) - not the smaller one but the biggest size that you once sent me. I shall pay on receipt. Of course it is not so urgent.
Sandhya’s course of injections is finished. The reaction is anticipated by the Doctor has started. Let us see with what results.
I have seen Narayani’s letter. I am writing to her today giving the references she wanted.
Sudha should get a part-time job, like Jyoti - there you are quite right. And she is also delicate in health. Too much strain might undermine it.
The clouds will surely pass away. There is always a limit to everything. For a pretty long time, you have not been up to the mark. Perhaps, this also was necessary. Now the sun will rise. Never be despondent. It means, yielding to the hostile forces and giving them what they want. You must remain as unshakeable as a mountain against all odds. After all it is our reactions to the external world that matters. Never say die.
Answering to my letter of 5th Sept. Anirvanji wrote from Shillong on 3th Sept 1963.
OM
Haimavati,
Shillong.
8.9.63
My dear Gautam,
Your letter of the 5th. Narayani has written to me and today I have written back. Bimal has received volume XII of
“Rabindra Rachanavati,” and I have asked him to bring it to you. Gopi will start by the 9th or 10th of October and he will bring all the things to Shillong.
“Never say die” is a colloquial phrase, meaning Never give up your efforts and allow yourself to be carried away by despondency.
The divine is Here and Now, the circumstances do not matter at all. Like Sunshine let it flood all my being- all my thoughts and doings. The sunshine is there, only I have to open my window to it. “Anira Karanamastu” let there be no denial, as the Upanishad says.
It is good, if we make the body preponderate in our Sadhana. A feeling of physical well-being can immediately translated into the joy of the divine. It is good to live; it is good to such light and life; like a flower twin the atmosphere around us. A child is blissfully unconscious of his adverse surroundings. We can at least partially imitate it. Even in the midst of business hours, we can for a few seconds drop all thoughts and with the whole being absorb the joy of the Divine that is surrounding us. To live like a child, like a tree, it is good. Thinking is for the world and feeling for God alone, why not make this division of labour?
Sandhya was asking if you received her letter. At present she is suffering a good deal from that allergy of cold.
My love and best wishes to you all. Tell Bablu and Kiki I have not forgotten them.
Ever yours………
A
Replying to my letter of 4th October Sri Anirvan writes…
OM
Haimavati,
Shillong
6.10.63
My dear Gautam,
Your letter of the 4th. I am glad to hear that you are heading towards light. The rains are bound to be over and we must have a sunlit path stretched before us.
Gopi will be starting by the 16th or 17th. I have asked him to come to you for the things in time. Bimal will bring the books this week and the P.M( Sri Aurobindo Path Mandir. Calcutta.) people also. Yes, I wanted a flower cushion- nothing else this time. There are only two months before I go down.
Sandhya has switched over to Kaviraji (Ayurvedic medicine) and is slightly better now. I have a very good prescription of Homeopathy with me, through the kindness of Mr. Aikat. When the symptoms have subsided a little more, we shall use it.
Don’t worry about work. When the time comes, you will be drawn into work that is Mothers outlook. What we have to do is simply to be. Purusha is and Prakriti does. Even while doing, being is still the bedrock. We should never create circumstances, but meet them calmly, when things come. And things are bound to come at proper time. To keep one’s power dry and wait with a full heart is that entire one can hope to do. Otherwise, there is no doing but only being.
The country is going to the dogs. Let it go. The patience of the people has not yet been exhausted. But I firmly believe there will be a silent revolution, which will change everything. I feel it in the air.
Hope Bablu and Kiki are earnest in their studies.
My love for you all.
Ever yours….
A
After Durga Puja in the end of October Sri Anirvan writes-
OM Haimavati ,
Shillong,
27.10.63
My dear Gautam,
My Vijoya greetings to you, Sudha, Bablu and Kiki with much love. And to absentees also- Sharad and Jyoti.
I have given your letter to Sandhya. She will decide for herself and let you know.
I told you in my p.c. last week, I have received all the things, sent by you. I forgot to acknowledge the receipt of the books supplied by Bimal. Will you phone to him after the Puja Holidays? I may not write next week.
I am glad you observed Bandhuji’s birthday quietly. The Guru is nothing but a configuration of the Infinite. We have to remember the Infinite alone and never anything finite. We have to realize Him in Jnana and Bhakti, which is comparatively easier, but nevertheless which forms the indispensable foundation of the Sadhana. The greatest difficulty is to realize Him in his will. The will of the Infinite finds expression in the eternity of time. And this eternity can be real to us in the absolute moment. But in the world, in the flow of time, we cannot grasp the eternity so we have to bear the divine will in full faith that outwardly will be done some day but inwardly it is done in us that very moment, which like the seed carries the huge banyan tree in it. We are like seeds- sparks of divinity.
About Sita’s letter, the friends you send were extremely nice. They did not disturb me at all. We had talks perhaps on two occasions and they have remained friends. Carlos writes to me from time to time. Only the other day he sent me a book. So there was nothing wrong done, I think.
With love again to all of you.
Ever yours
A.
P.S. Most probably. I shall be coming down to Calcutta on 9.12.63.
* Sita is Lizelle Reymond’s name given by Anirvanji, 18/10/08 The next letter from Anirvanji from Haimavati, Shillong is dated 29th March 1964.
Before I proceed further, it will be good to describe two spiritual experiences, which Sri Anirvan had at his very young age, which were the guiding stars and goals of his whole life.
The first happened when he was about seven years old. After paying obeisance to the picture of goddess Saraswati which he himself had hung on the wall of his room, Narendra was just leaving to go to school, when he saw an extremely beautiful young girl of about six years, Shadahyani, beckoning to him. Completely forgetting that he had to go to school, he obediently followed her for a long time. On arriving at the bank of the river, she just rose and disappeared into the sky.
Later when Narendra grew up, he indentified this this vision with his chosen deity, Uma Haimavati, another form of Goddess Saraswati.
Another experience came when Narendra was about nine years old. He was looking at the starry sky of the dark night of the new moon day. All of a sudden he felt the vast sky falling down and entering into his heart. He lost consciousness and fell down. That was the beginning of his now famous “Akasha Bhavana,” contemplation on the sky consciousness, which culminates in the realization and attainment of the “Akasa Sariram brahma, satyatma, pranaramam, mana, anandam, santi,samriddham, amritam” ( he becomes) Brahman whose body is the sky (akasha), truth is his self (atma),
who revels in life (prana); bliss (ananda) is his mind, the mind that is enriched by Peace (santi) and is immortal (amritam), see Taittiriya Upanishad I/6/2.
Though Anirvanji attained and lived in this Sky Consciousness, his attainment of his chosen deity, Haimavati remained unfulfilled at least in the external, physical field as he wished to have so earnestly during his whole life. He himself said,
“Though I may not have found my Sati* physically in human form, deep within my heart I am one with and eternally united with Haimavati, the yogini Uma.”* another name of Haimavati, like Uma, Parvati, Aparajita etc. She was daughter of Daksha Prajapati and consort of Shiva, who immolated herself in the sacrifice of Daksha.
Aniravanji’s search for his Haimavati in the world outside started from his very young age and continued till the end of his life. This search, the feeling of finding her and then losing her, this human, divine play was enacted several times in Anirvanji’s life.
Thanks to Dr Gobinda Gopal Mukhopadhya, through his short biography of Sri Anirvan in his famous book “Mahajana Samvada”, we have got some enlightenment on this part of Sri Anirvan’s life.
20/10/08 Sandhya was a person on whom Anirvanji tried to impose and give form to his ideal of Haimavati. He took charge of her, endeavouring to mould her according to his conception. But this could not be, as Anirvanji himself said, because of his inability to take the full responsibility of creation of this person as his own. To clear the matter let me quote from Anirvanji’s own letter.
- “I do not believe, that a man can take full responsibility or burden of any person; even though Ramakrishna had told Girish Ghosh, ‘All right, give power of attorney to me, I will do all that is necessary for you,’ and Girish had given it to him and possibly Ramakrishna too accepted it.
And yet Ramakrishna did not keep Girish with him and did not take his worldly burden.
Ma Sharda, wife of Sri Ramakrishna, was repeating the names of deities on a rosary. A devotee asked her, “Mother, why should you repeat the names of deities?” Ma Sharda said, ‘Oh, I have so many sons and daughters who cannot do anything. I am doing all this for them.’
I think all this is just cajoling. Great men can strongly wish for the welfare of all, can bless all people because that is, after all, the wish of the Divine, but apart from wishing strongly for the welfare of their devotees or people in general, I do not believe that any body, however great that person may be, can do anything much for another person. Even in my own life, I have not experienced it.
If you are devoted to me and follow my ideals, some of my ideas and ideals, (some of my powers) may be transmitted to you, but even in that case, are these ideals mine? It is like one flower telling another flower, “See, I am causing you to flower,” but a flower does not cause another flower to blossom; it is the sap of the tree that flowers both.
I love you and strongly wish that your weaknesses might be removed. But what has been done till today? Nothing.
Maybe one day you will rise up like Arjuna. But that too, would it be because of me?
To keep you with me or to take all your physical burden is not possible, you surely know that. But I love you and strongly wish, “Lazarus, Arise.” –
Letter dated 5.5.67. Patralekha vol. 5.p.49.
I think all this was because of his nature was that of a Baul. He had taken the vow of sannyas from his Guru Swami Nigamananda, and he was a sannyasin in the true sense. He loved to live alone by himself and after his experiences in his Guru’s ashram, did not desire to create an ashram around him, though due to circumstances, he did try to form an ashram around him at least twice after 1930, after his leaving the Guru’s Ashram, where he had already been appointed as the head or Mohanta of the ashram; but again due to the combined effect of his nature or prakriti and fate, things did not take shape.
Even in his last Haimavati at Narendrapur near Kolkata where he lived all alone, he would entertain a guest for a week or so, but would never keep a friend, a disciple or a devotee as permanent member of the ashram. It was only towards the end of his life, when he sensed his coming sickness, he decided to come and stay with others, first at Central Park, Jadavpur with Narayani Devi and Rama Chowdhury, and then at Fern Road, his last Haimavati, with Rama Chowdhury and the Dharmapal family.
The year of 1963 after returning together to Shillong passed in a kind of psychological tug of war (1) between Sandhya and Anirvanji: Sandhya ardently wished to stay permanently with Anirvanji in his Haimavati, but Anirvanji did not allow it
to happen. So in the end, Sandhya who was no more willing to stay in the family of her brothers decided to marry Benoy Lahiri who loved her even before Sandhya became a disciple of Anirvanji and had remained unmarried. Anirvanji himself fixed the date of their marriage, 14th December 1963, and himself came over to Kolkata on 8th December 1963.
Though Anirvanji lived for one more year in Shillong, he finally closed his Haimavati ashram there and came over to Kolkata on 18th November 1964. We shall talk about that later. Now let us talk about his stay in the plains between 8th December 1963 and 16th March 1964, when he flew back to Shillong.
23/10/08 Here is the itinerary of Sri Anirvan between 8th December 63 and 16th March 64. After arriving at Kolkata on 8th December 63 Anirvanji first went to Ranchi, previously a hill station of Bihar, now the capital of the state of Jharkhand, on 12th December.
It was from Ranchi, that a new period or phase of life of Sri Anirvan began after leaving his Guru’s Ashram in 1930. It was at Ranchi in 1942 that he began to talk on the Life Divine of Sri Aurobindo, while he was visiting his friend Sri Biren Sen’s house. It was at Ranchi that Tapas came in search of Anirvan, got deeply interested in him and then fully involved herself with him, arranged for Anirvan’s stay at Almora and totally devoted herself to the work and mission of his life; till 1949, when Lizelle Reymond came and joined Sri Anirvan. Since then almost every year Anirvanji would go to Ranchi at least
for a few days even when his friend Biren Sen had left the place. Wherever Sri Anirvan would go, a small group of friends and devotees would gather around him.
From Ranchi, Anirvanji went to Patna on 24th December. At Patna, Sri Anirvan stayed with Pushpa, a friend of Tapas.
Sister Pushpa had taken to Sannyas, but was working as a principal of Sister Nivedita College for Girls’ in Patna. Even when Anirvanji would not visit her place, she would surely meet him at the station whenever Sri Anirvan will pass through Patna on his way to Allahabad and Delhi.
Sri Anirvan left Patna on 1st January 1964 and went to Allahabad. This was the last time that he stayed with his friend Sri Dhirendra Chandra Dasgupta at Lukerganj. Narendra, Dhirendra and Birendra were friends since their college days in Dacca during 1912 to 1916 and remained fast friends till death. Biren Sen passed away in and then Dhiren Babu towards the end of 1964.
Sri Anirvan left Allahabad on 12th January for Delhi where he stayed with Sri S.B. Roy, at whose place in Kolkata I had first met Sri Anirvan in February 1954. Sitanshu Bhushan Roy was a commissioner of the Income tax Dept. of the Govt.Of India and Delhi was the last place of his transfer.
From Delhi, Sri Anirvan visited Haridwar, Rishikesh and Deheradoon. Our friends Ramswarup and Sitaram Goel accompanied him on this short tour.
After their return to Delhi, Sri Anirvan visited Bhopal and returned to Jabalpur between 26th January and 6th February, thence returning to Kolkata on 7th February 1964.
24/10/08 Sri Anirvan’s real stay at Kolkata this time began from 7th February and ended on 16th March 1964.
During this time at Keyatala Road, Sri Anirvan talked on Upanishad or Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras. There were evening sittings too, when friends and devotees visited him.
On 1st March 1964, in the morning, Sri Anirvan visited the Garia Ashram of Swami Pratyagatmananda Saraswati who performed Saraswati Puja every year with all rituals. Dr Gobindagopal Mukerjee was closely associated with Swami Pratyagatmananda Saraswati, and generally performed the puja as a priest at the Garia Ashram.
During this period Sri Anirvan paid a short visit to Gopalpur, a beautiful sea-resort situated in Orissa near Jagannath Puri.
Sri A.B. Chatterjee, a retired I.C.S. Officer, had recently become a friend and devotee of Sri Anirvan through our common friend Smt. Bina Das, a niece of the famous scientist Sri Jagadish Chandra Basu. Smt Bina Das was a social worker, head of “Uday Villa,” an institution established by Lady Abala Basu for the welfare of women refugees coming from East Bengal since the partition of India in 1947. Sri A.B. Chatterjee, who suffered from severe asthma, had purchased a bungalow on the seashore at Gopalpur, and wished to donate it to Sri Anirvan. The search for another Haimavati had already started.
Binadi and I accompanied Sri Anirvan on this short journey from 18/2 to 23/2. It was very pleasant and invigorating, but Anirvanji said,” If I come and stay here, I will not be able to work on Veda Mimamsa or any other serious subject. My mind will just fly in the air, dance with the waves of the sea. At most, I may write poetry.”
From 24th February to 26th February, Sri Anirvan visited Khadagpur, a railway junction on the South Eastern Railway where Shankar Sen, son of Sri Anirvan’s friend Biren Sen was an officer in the Railways. Amita, Sankar’s young wife was very much devoted to Sri Anirvan, and during this short visit Sri Anirvan read and expounded the Bhagavad Gita to her.
Thus this visit to Kolkata and other places in the plains came to an end when Sri Anirvan flew back to Shillong on 16th
March 1964.
After reaching Shillong, Sri Anirvan, straight away plunged into his work of writing the second volume of Veda Mimamsa.
His last stay in Shillong Haimavati was from 16th March to 15th November 1964. During this period he fell seriously ill, with B. coli infection. The devotees of Sri Aurobindo, who looked after the management of Sri Aurobindo Path Mandir, Shillong, were so much worried about his health that they wrote to the Mother and prayed for her blessings.
When the Mother came to know that Anirvanji was only 68 years old, she said, “Oh! He is so young! He has to live many more years yet!” The Mother was 86 then !
After receiving my letter dated 21st March, Anirvanji wrote to me on 29th March ’64 from Shillong.
OM Haimavati
Shillong,
29.3.64
My dear Gautam,
Your I.L. of the 21st. I am awaiting the arrival of the air parcel receipt. Narayani’s m.o. came the other day. And I have written to her today. I have also written to Bina. It is good news that her father will allow us the use of the land. Let us see, where Haimavati is going to put me up. Sandhya’s address is c/o KaIcilda Wallong; near Muslim Club, Laban, P.O. Shillong. I am getting Bel (a cooling fruit with sweet pulp when ripe, often made into sherbet) here at the Calcutta price!
My experimentation with food is quite successful. Bel in the morning, Khichuri at noon and bread at night (brown bread will be soon available).
I am now working regularly the whole day on Veda Mimamsa for five days in the week. Saturdays and Sundays are reserved for extra work. Revision of “Eshana” (my volume of personal essays), letter writing, two hours’ work with Sandhya on Kenopanishad (we hope to finish it in almost three months and then take up Prasna), one hour class on synthesis of yoga (on Saturday evenings) and one hour with visitors (on Sundays). This routine has suited me admirably.
All my evenings and nights are free except two evenings. I mean to follow this routine in Calcutta also. This will mean two classes every week (Saturday and Sundays) and one or two holidays annually in November and May, I shall have 43 weeks to conduct my classes. This means 86 lectures in all! If I reserve 16 lectures for Savitri, 70 will be left for all Upanishads- sufficient to finish them say in two years! Anyhow, I hope I shall be allowed to wind up my business in another five years. Had Haimavati five-year plan! But I don’t know what she thinks about it and I don’t care.
I am glad Narayani will soon be finishing A.U. (Aitareya Upanishad). Your notes are very full. Please try to incorporate as much of them in Narayani’s version for the benefit of the common reader. The final revision will rest with me and I shall see that everything fits well in the whole series. The order of publishing will be- Isha, Aitareya, Kena, Taittiriya, Katha-Prasna- Mundaka, Svetaswatara, Mandukya, Kaushitaki Chandogya and Brihadaranyaka.
I hope you are all O.K. I mean to work intensively for six months and arrange for shifting to Calcutta in October. I shall be leaving just after Laxmi Puja; arrive with Sharad and Sudha in Calcutta by the end of the month; leave for one month’s winter tour and then back again for work by the beginning of December!
My love for you all.
Ever yours ….
A.
25/10/08
OM. Haimavati,
Shillong.
5.6.64.
My dear Gautam,
Your letter of the 31st with R/R is to hand. I hope the Bels will come all right. You need not send the “bori” (an ingredient for cooking) by post. Mana or Susmita is sure to come during the summer vacation. I shall ask them to bring it to me. Till then I hav enough stock.
Have you sent any “Panchang” (Almanac). Please let me know immediately. If not, I shall buy one locally before the New Year begins.
Sandhya knew that I would be leaving Assam. I don’t think she will be pained. She has freely chosen her path. She can serve Haimavati by translating the letters of Nivedita which she had begun three or four years ago. These letters have to be translated before the Nivedita centenary October 1967. Heaps of letters and I don’t think Sandhya will be able to translate all. I am thinking of harnessing both the Narayani’s to the work in addition to Sandhya. She can do her work from here without coming to Calcutta. Her first duty is to her husband.
By the by, Narayani of Puri writes to say that she may come to Calcutta, as Dr. Chatterjee had suggested, for a check-up, when the rains have started, that is sometime after June. Will you please convey this to Dr. C?
I am glad Sharad has got a new agency. I wish him all success.
It is good that Sudha sits for V.V. when I am in Calcutta. I shall be able to help her in her studies in my spare moments.
As regards your going for a retreat for a few months, it is a good idea too. I was thinking of Swami Amar Jyoti’s place.
(Swami Amarjyoti’s Ashram- Ananda Niketan at Poona. In January 1963 we stayed at Ananda Niketan for a few days).
Perhaps he will gladly help you. The climate is quite good- neither hot nor cold. And I liked the place.
I hope Kiki is paying good attention to her studies as I am paying to my work. Surely she will be sweet enough to follow me. I have fed her with so many sweets! I need not push Bablu. He knows his business.
With love for you all and a special quote for Sharad.
Ever yours……
A.
Sharad was mainly looking after the business of the Dharmapals. In the beginning it was mainly an agency business, selling mostly Cycle parts and Sharad had to go long business tours to West and South India.
Meanwhile on 9th November 1963, Jyoti, Sharad’s wife, had given birth to a daughter at Bombay. They were still in Bombay and therefore a special quota of love to Sharad!
Sri Anirvan had named Sharad and Jyoti’s daughter Svagata, meaning Welcome; but in Bangla it would be pronounced Sagata, she is gone! And therefore, after a lottery; she was named “Madhavi.’
Swami Amarjyoti was my friend Ramadas since 1950, when we were working together for Bengali Refugee Relief at Ranaghat Station. He had become a devotee of Ma Anandamayi in 1957 or so and later took to Sannyas on his own and established his first ashram at Poona. Later he visited U.S.A and established an ashram at Tucson, Arizona 85705- U.S.A.
(Truth Consciousness Inc 3403, Sweetwater Drive- Tueson. Arizona 85705.
After the 1st week of April 1964 Anirvanji suddenly fell sick with kidney infection of B. coli and high fever. This serious illness made him very weak and continued to harass him even after coming over to Calcutta. We get the details of the illness in his next letter.
OM. Haimavati,
Shillong
17.5.64
My dear G,
Your I.L. of the 9th.
Here is the weekly weather report for Shillong and Anirvan. Shillong: Almost always cloudy with spells of sunshine!
Heavy showers almost everyday. The overall impression: Nasty!
Anirvan much better this week. The urine trouble continues but is now much lessened. Appetite good: energy: three quarters full. Strength gaining slowly. Sometimes there is a sudden crash. But the reason there of lies elsewhere.
Psychological and spiritual, Anirvanji had suffered similar serious illness in the thirties when Snehalata had left him from the Umachal Ashram near Gauhati. (In Vaishnava parlance this is called “Vipralambha”- pain of separation from the lover. Radha and Chaitanya are the famous examples of the state of “Vipralambha.” Anirvan has also discussed this state in many letters.) It has puzzled the doctors but Mother knows that in any way it is not alarming.
I have consulted Dr.Guha about the suggestions of Dr. Ghosh. He said he had used Alkasol at the beginning and it is not now necessary. The germs were of a peculiar type, which Pasteur test showed to be wholly insensitive to Mycenae drugs. Auto- vaccine is simply by way of precaution. To strengthen the urinary system and hence lessen the obstruction he has started today a bi- weekly course of hormone injection. Pyridine tablets have been very helpful. I shall be on my legs again in another two weeks.
26/10/08 I don’t regret this forced holiday. Every seven or eight years. I used to go into solitude to tone up the system.
This has long been overdue. I have not taken any rest for the last fifteen years. This enforcement has made me much richer in experience. Suffering is absolutely necessary to make the cup of spiritual life full. If work stops in one plane, it goes on with intensified vigor on other plans.
I had asked you to see if the Vols. I and II of Prof. Eggeling’s translations of the Satapatha Brahmana in the publishers of the reprint Motilal Banarasidass.
Hope you are all O.K.
With love for you all.
Ever yours………
A.
During this time, (April-May 1964) apart from B. coli infection, acute prostrate problem had also developed. Anirvanji also suffered from Hernia, which he controlled by Pranayama. Next week came another letter discussing in detail the transfer of Haimavati to Calcutta.
Om Haimavati,
Shillong
17.5.64
My dear G
Your letter of the 20th. I hope you are quite all right now. I slept well last night and the pain of urination was almost nil. I think, I have turned round the corner!
Narayani of Puri is expected to come to Mr. Chatterjee’s place by the 29th of this month. If she comes, will you please pay her Rs. 40/- which I left with you telling her that this is towards four months’ remittance beginning from June?
I have given careful thought to your suggestion. I am not willing to leave Shillong even before October. But I am afraid this will not be possible before the treatment closes and I have a complete rest for a few weeks. The date for the last injection is the 6th of June. After that I feel, I must let the whole of the month of June expire, allowing me a complete rest from all work. At present, it is physically impossible for me to put myself to any stress in travel either by rail or by air. Even if you and Sharad come to help me in packing up, I have to direct you personally because you will not know what to take or what to leave. This I cannot do now. My position is this. The body is quickly gaining strength; the spirit is free and firm and can soar to heights, but the mind is in a stage of coma and revolt at the very idea of any strain. I think this is because I did not give it any rest for the last fifteen years and a holiday of at least three months was overdue seven or eight years back. So I must give it complete rest for a few weeks. Then, the climate of Shillong is ideally suitable for convalescence. Calcutta will be too hot and strain me physically. And moreover the bustle of Calcutta life cannot be avoided by any means. But what I need now is this calm and quiet of Haimavati. So I think, you will allow me to rest here for a few weeks and when I feel myself quite fit, I will give the signal to strike tents.
In the meantime you can go for your much needed spiritual retreat. At the end of all, we begin our new life! Am I right?
Yes, I was drifting. It is natural for the “will to live” to fight suffering and death. But when suffering opens the gates to new wonders and a universalized consciousness find it linked with the cosmic movement, individual will disappears in Her Will, Her will to achieve Victory through crucifixion. You have to drift then, whether it leads you to life or death.
Anyhow the Experience has been marvellous.
I hope you are all O.K. My love for you all.
Ever yours……
A.
Let us close this notebook here. We will open the next notebook with Anirvanji’s next letter from Shillong dated 1st June 64, wherein he says,
“After a month and a half, I am today celebrating a New Year Day or a New Birthday (whatever you prefer to call it) by dismissing my faithful and patient nurse Prof. Panigrahi, leaving my sick bed and writing this letter to you, sitting on my chair before the secretariat table and facing the lovely figure of Haimavati Manishmardini.” (Mahishmardini is the destroyer of the demon Mahishasura. The picture of Durga was painted by Sri Promod Kumar Chattopadhyay. It was lovingly kept by Anirvanji on his writing table.)
31/10/08
Om Haimavati,
Shillong
1.6.64.
My dear Gautam,
Your letter of the 28th. After a month and a half, I am today celebrating a New Year’s Day or a New Birth Day (whichever you prefer to call it) by dismissing my faithful and patient nurse Prof Panigrahi, leaving my sick bed and writing this letter to you sitting on my chair before the secretariat table and facing the lovely figure of Haimavati Mahisha-Mardini. You may say, I am almost normal except some weakness still lingering. The doctor till July 18 will continue the course of injections. I am spending June doing nothing and enjoying my well-earned rest.
This illness- the worst in my life- seems to me to be a Godsend. It is really an opening up of a new vista. And your idea of visiting Amarnath perfectly coincides with my inner feelings. May you have the vision of the lord of Immortality who will guide you to your goal which he has fixed up for you.
Mono has come with the Badi, thank you. Himangshu Babu (president of Sri Aurobindo Path Mandir, Calcutta as well as Sri A Path Mandir Shillong . Anirvanji’s Haimavati was situated in the sprawling compound of the Path Mandir, Shillong, will be coming tomorrow. I shall send back with him the time- piece (Europa) which stopped during my illness, may be due to mishandling. You need not send it back.
It seems Haimavati is going to establish Herself at Hridaypur. She will make a really fine choice, I think. Go on with the plan (or the dream) as she guides you all. I have not much to suggest. Only I can say this much, a house facing south and on the bank of the tank will be lovely. In Bengal, we say,”A house facing the South is the King of all houses,” because it gives you warmth in the winter and shade in summer. I require a small bedroom, say 12 feet by 8 feet, a study say 12’ x 12’, a kitchen and store combined, say 12’ x 6’ and a small bathroom. A Verandah will be fine. Another cottage for guests, a tiny one, will be good. Perhaps this is your idea too? Only I want to have the bedroom at the eastern end of the cottage, so that every morning I may have a vision of Devah Savitri rising.
Here, I shall be in full rest throughout June. In July I shall take up some light work. Such as revision of lectures on Upanishad etc. and work at Half speed. In August I mean to take Veda Mimamsa again and see how far I can go in two months. From the beginning of October I began to select and arrange things, preliminary to the great departure. If by December our “Hridaypur” is not ready to receive Haimavati, well, she may be installed at Keyatala.
After the death of Nehru, somehow, I feel a new India is going to emerge, even if there is some turmoil. People had been hoodwinked too long by hero-worship. It is time their eyes open.
Hope you are all O.K.
With love for you all.
Ever yours….
A.
1/11/09 To another devotee, Anirvanji writes from Shillong on 30.5.64.
“I am much better now. But I will have to take a long rest. I have laboured without taking rest for the last fifteen years now
I will take rest for about two months….
I am and will remain much better. After the Puja I will wind up the work here and wish to go to Calcutta. Work there will be more facilitated. I will live in Calcutta, as I am here as living in a cave- within myself and if you are fully engrossed in your work, nothing will touch you- you know that. Therefore don’t worry. Love and blessings- Anirvan” – Patralekha vol V P.29.
After the passing away of Bandhu Dharmapal in August 1955, I used to go for spiritual retreat for a month or more, especially when Sharad Dharmapal will be in Calcutta. This time Anirvanji had suggested Poona, Swami Amarjyoti’s Ashram, where we had been for a few days in January 1963. But one night I saw a dream, that I am walking with a party of pilgrims going to the cave of Amarnath in Kashmir, shouting, “Baba Amarnathji ki jay!” and therefore taking it as Divine Will, I decided to go to Amarnath and wrote accordingly to Anirvanji, which he too acclaimed. As seen in the previous letter.
'MY LIFE WITH SRI ANIRVAN" BY SRI GOUTAM DHARMAPAL, PART TWO, CONTINUED 3Posted by mrinalini on June 20, 2011 at 3:07am
View Blog
Though Anirvanji never actively participated in politics or the struggle for freedom from the British rule, he was always sympathetic towards truly nationalistic movements and encouraged those who worked and sacrificed for the country and always wished for the emergency of better and greater India. Like Swami Vivekananda and Sri Aurobindo, he too had his dream of great and glorious India. And therefore in his letters to me, he always opined about the present political situation as I was more actively connected with freedom movement in my young age and always took active interest in politics.
The next lettter of Anirvanji from Shillong is dated 14th June ’64. He writes-
My dear Gautam,
Your letter of the 10th.
Yesterday, I completed two months of illness, the longest in my life. The last symptom, the urge to get up from bed even once after I have retired for the night, has disappeared and I am quite O.K. now but I am not straining myself. The month of June must be a holiday. The Doctor will continue his weekly injections till July 18 as a matter of precaution. Today I am going to Usha’s house to celebrate the occasion of my recovery, and having my meals there, and from tomorrow, I am independent and shall cook for myself. All fun.
Yes, I feel it is a new phase of life. But, I don’t care whether it is life or death. The white radiance of eternal existence, the Shivalingam of Amarnath, engulfs all. When you go to Him convey my self-consecration to Him. I remember how Vivekananda when he came back after seeing Him said, he had his vision, and was granted the boon of Immortality, and, almost immediately after, he passed away. A paradox is not it? After all, life and death are two wings of His Existence, pure and nude.
This much is certain; I am leaving for Calcutta, immediately after the Pujas. If it is Keyatala, will and And good! If, it is Hridaypur, well and good too! Let us float in the stream of Haimavati’s will!
Nehru is dead and gone, the last trace of British Imperialism. Even if there is a crisis, I feel we are going to turn a new leaf in our national life in 1965. I scent it in the air.
About S. Brahmana, I prefer to have my set completed without breaking Mukunda’s set.
Narayani of Puri (why not call her Jayanti as I do, to avoid confusion) will be reaching Calcutta perhaps on the 17th.
I have send “Europa” with Himangshu Babu. How are Bablu and Kiki doing? I have not enquired after them for a long time.
With love for you all.
Ever yours……
A.
3/11/08 In the next letter Sri Anirvan talks more about his transferring of Haimavati from Shillong to Calcutta and about my pilgrimage to Amarnath.
OM Haimavati,
Shillong.
24.06.64.
My dear Gautam,
Your letter of the 20th.
Jayanti has written about her checkup in details. The future prospect seems to be bright. If she is completely cured, I can accept much work from her especially as I shall be in Calcutta. Well, let Her will be done!
I think there will surely be a way out in case of Hridaypur (City of the heart! It is a small town in North 24 Parganas or Sealdah (Kolkata) Ranaghat line. Bina Das’s brother had a plot of land there near the railway station. In the end we had to give up the idea of shifting Haimavati.) The name sounds so fine! Only, one has to do some Sadhana before one can establish Haimavati in the Hridaypur! Again, I say, let Her will be done!
I am thinking of leaving Shillong immediately after the Laxmi Puja. If Sudha and Sharad start after the Mahalaya when the Puja holidays begin, we shall have two weeks in all for packing etc. I have more than three months in hand. From July, I intend to begin arranging and selecting things, so that the packing can be done smoothly and in minimum of time; say in five or six days. I am leaving the house to Prof. Panigrahi, who will be in charge of the Path Mandir after me.
I endorse your feeling as regards the urge that has come upon you. Be free as air, you are not bound by anything. If you are destined to work for the Mother, meet Her personally first and take orders directly from Her. Work will then become a blossoming and not drudgery. Don’t think of what is going to happen later on. At present, your only task is to see Lord Amarnath. Lay yourself bare before him and take His commands. Let the whole pilgrimage be done in a spirit of dedication. Make yourself blank and it will be filled up with His Light.
I am quite O.K. now, though the doctor is still sticking to me and presenting tonics etc. I am obeying him. From July I shall begin to work at half speed, attaining full speed in August. I am in no hurry about anything.
Hope Bablu and Kiki will be industrious now,
With love for you all.
Ever yours…….
A.
Before I left for Srinagar- Kashmir on my pilgrimage to Amarnath, I received the following letter from Anirvanji.
OM Haimavati.
Shillong
8.7.64.
My dear Gautam,
Your letter was delivered to me on the evening of the 6th though it had arrived on the 4th. I hope this reaches you before you start on your pilgrimage.
I am glad to hear that Moni Daroga is amicable. Hope, everything will be settled without much hindrance.
I have no objection to Sharad’s coming here by the end of October. This will leave me free to go further ahead with the work of Veda Mimamsa, which is now pressing upon me. I shall then leave by 12th Nov. or so and got o Allahabad to see my sick friend immediately after my arrival at Calcutta. I want to travel by train this time. Will Sudha and Sharad be able to avail of hill-concession? I don’t know.
I am dying to have a picture of Swagata. I have not seen her but I feel her like a ray of Joyous Sunshine from above.
Strangely enough, she came on earth on a day, which had a special meaning to me. That night, I had the vision of the Divine Mother and hence I named her Swagata. Well, outwardly it might all be a fancy, but inlay my heart melts in joy whenever I think of her. May little Swagata grow into the full splendor of Her light and joy.
My heartiest congratulations to Agarwalji for his victimisation. May his Sangha grow in strength from day to day and bring about the fall of the Satanic power, which has gripped the country.
I shall be with you mentally in your pilgrimage. May it be a response to the Call of the Void into the Deep.
My love for you and special good wishes for Sharad and Jyoti.
I am O.K. now and have begun to work though without any hurry.
Ever yours………
A
Parmananda Agarwal was a friend of ours at Calcutta. He had become a member of the working Committee of Jana
Sangha, a political party representing the Hindu Nation, established in 1952. Agarwalji and some other leaders of the Jana Sangh were arrested then for their political activity. Anirvanji knew him as he attended the Dharma Sabha at Keyatala Road.
4/11/08 I find there is a letter from Lizelle Reymond during this period enquiring about Sri Anirvan’s illness.
5, Rue des Alpes,
Geneva –
28.5.1964
My dear Gautam,
Everybody is looking these days towards India with sorrow and also with great anxiety; you must all be very upset. I am sure. But the future is there with much hope also.
Indirectly, I have heard that Sri Anirvan was severely ill. Can you give me some news of what is going on? I should be thankful to you. I wish also you would tell me as how your plans stand as now you are playing a big part in Sri Anirvan’s life. I had hoped to come to India this year but my chances are fading though I have not lost my hopes for another spring.
By the way, did you send a receipt of the last cheque to Pierre Oppliger? In his last letter he mentioned that he had not got it. Kindly do it.
I hope that you are all well. The family is growing around you.
My love to all of you.
Yours
Sita.
As planned, I left Calcutta on 12th July ’64, and reached Srinagar on the 15th July. After a stay of two days at Srinagar in a houseboat “Capri” at the Dal Lake, I arrived at Sri Ramakrishna Maha Sammelan Ashram, Naghadandi, Achhabal on 18th July, where I stayed for about a month before embarking on the pilgrimage of the Amarnath Caves.
Swami Ashokanandji, the head of the Ashram, was all love and care during my stay there. The dream of Swami Vivekananda of establishing an ashram in the beautiful Kashmir Valley was fulfilled by Swami Ashokananda. But that is another story.
While I was in the Ramakrishna Ashram at Achhabal, I received the following letter from Anirvanji.
OM Haimavati-
Shillong-
24.7.64.
Guru Purnima.
My dear Gautam,
Today is the Guru Purnima Day. May Lord Vyasa shower His Grace on you.
Your letter reached here on the 21st. so it took only four days to reach from one end of India to the other end. I don’t know of course when this letter will reach you.
I am sure, you are feeling fine. Forget everything. Live in the void. Dive into the depth of pure existence. The pilgrimage to the lord of Immortality is through Death. Die to everything. Don’t write to me if you feel like it. I shall understand. I shall always be with you.
But if you feel free to write, of course you will write. The worship of Death should not be constriction. It should be like Nachiketa, facing the Resplendent Death- Vaivasvata Yama.
Light…….more light………..and still more light.
Convey my regards to Swamiji.
With love
ever yours……
.A
5/11/08 Before I started on my pilgrimage to Amarnath on 12th July Sharad had already returned to Calcutta from his
Business tour on 23rd June. Jyoti and their seven months old daughter Madhavi- Anirvanji’s Swagata- had also come to
Calcutta along with Sharad. After their return, Sharad had written to Anirvanji in my absence. Anirvanji’s answer to his letter is informative and interesting.
OM Haimavati,
Shillong,
5.8.64
My dear Sharad,
Your I.L. of the 29th. Yes, I am quite fit now and have begun my work in the right earnest, though I am not straining myself. A queer feeling has come upon me. Often, I feel as I am dead and so it does not matter whether I work or not and yet I am working. The work then seems like play.
I had one letter from Gautam, after he had reached Achhabal. I hope, he has p[lunged into the depth for which he had been pining so long.did Mr. Chatterjee tell you that one of his friends (who wants to remain unknown at present) had proposed to build a new Haimavati in the suburbs of Calcutta as soon as possible, say by December next?
I think, it will be best for us to travel via Baraum Reservations perhaps can be arranged from Gauhati ten days ahead. If, I remember right, was there a friend of yours in Amingaon? I wonder, if he is still there:
I shall begin the preliminary packing in October with the help of a friend, so that we may not be in a hurry before the Departure from here.
How are Bablu and Kiki? Doing their best?
My love to you all and a very special quota for tiny Swagata.
Ever yours……………
A
Meanwhile, I was passing my days quietly in the serene atmosphere of Sri R.K. Mahasammclan Ashram at Achhabal.
Swami Ashokanandji had provided me with a one-room apartment a little higher placed than the Ashram, where I passed my days quietly in study and meditation. In the evening, if it was not raining, I sat with Swamiji on the green lawns, having his satsanga. Of course, we met at the breakfast and at the time of meals, but mostly the time passed in Silence.
While at Achhabal, I received another letter from Anirvanji.
OM Haimavati,
Shillong.
10.8.64
My dear Gautam,
Your letter took eight days this time to reach here. I got it only today. I don’t know if this will reach you in time.
I am glad you are passing your days quietly. I would suggest to you to remember one thing. Spiritual achievement cannot be circumscribed; it is not that we attain something definite. It is rather a turn of consciousness; an opening of a bright noon. If this pilgrimage brings you that Beginning, that will be the real achievement. Your eyes will be opened. But the gaze need not remain fixed. You are not to be a Ghat (the stations were boats are rested or bathing steps built on the river bank), but the stream itself.
You are always in my thoughts. May Lord Shiva make you His very own and grant you the boon of deathlessness in life and death as he did to Vivekananda.
My respects to Swamiji,
With love and best wishes.
Ever yours……..
A
P.S. I noted at the last moment on the back of your letter that it was posted on 5.8.64. so this might reach you before you start.
I left Achhabal, Sri R.K.Ashram, on 18th August for Pahelgam from where the pilgrimage to Amarnath cave started on 20th August. Though pilgrims can visit and pay their homage at the Amarnath cave individually before and after Sravani Purnima, the full moon day in the month of Sravana which mostly falls in the month of August, between Ekadashi (11th day of the bright fortnight) of Sravana and the Purnima day, no pilgrim can go before Chhadi-Saheb that leads the procession of pilgrims. I followed the procession along with four friends from Gujarat who had put up in the Regal Hotel, near the Lidar river, where I too had hired a room on 18th night. We had started at 7.30 am in the morning of 20th August and reached Chandanwadi by 12 noon at a distance of about ten miles from Pahelgam. Chandanwadi is quite easy, walking was made difficult due to rains and constant mud. Most of the ten thousand pilgrims, sadhus or householders- men, women, children- walked the whole distance. There were many who were on horseback, and some rich or old people hired palanquins. My coolie Gulam Kadir who was carrying my luggage including the tent had already reached Chandanwadi and put up the tent. Chandanwadi had become a tent-town. My four Gujarati friends had put up their tent at a distance.
We passed the day and night of 20th August at Chandanwadi. There were heavy showers in the evening and the road beyond- the real ascent to Amarnath became all the more difficult. Many were discouraged. Naavar bhai, one of the four Gujarati friends came to my tent at night and said “because of bad weather three of my friends are afraid of going up to Amarnath, but I am determined to complete the pilgrimage at any cost as I have taken a vow before starting from Jamnagar, but they will not allow me to go alone. Will you kindly assure me of your company?” I gladly accepted his proposal and assured him of completing the pilgrimage to Lord Amarnath together, come what may.
So from next day i.e. 21st morning we were together till we returned to Pahelgam on 24th August.
The journey from Chandanwadi to Amarnath was extremely difficult. As it had rained almost the whole day, the authorities had announced that these who will go on foot would go first, then the palanquins, and last of all the horses with luggage or riders. From Chandanwali after a straight walk for a mile there is a hill-like climbing for about two miles to Pashupati at about 11.00. the road and climbing had become all the more difficult because of the rain. After taking some rest at the top, we walked a little further a few miles to Seshnaag where there is a beautiful lake with snow peak to the north of it. With blue sky, white snow peak and bottlegreen water of the lake and the green all around, it is a beautiful heavenly place. The pilgrims, those who can, bathe in the cold water of the lake. After resting a while there we moved and reached the platean of Vavjin (vayu-jin) as the land was quite open there, winds blew heavily and sometimes dangerously. Vavjin is at a height of 12750 feet. We reached there at about 5pm. But our horseman Gulam Kadir came very late at night – about eleven or so. Fortunately, it was not raining and sky was very clear with the bright moon and stars shining, lighting up the area and there were a few temporary shops where we could take some food.
We had to wait on the way and shout for Gulam Kadir. At last he appeared, crying that his horse had slipped on one side, some of our luggage had fallen down in the valley, which he could not recover. Well. The tent was there and most of our things. Gulam Kadir put up the tent and lay out our bedding. We fell on the beds just like logs. It was so cold that, though we had put on our woollen overcoats, we were shivering under the blankets and slept the whole night hugging each other.
The morning was beautiful. The golden rays of the sun shining and reflecting from the snow peaks around, we got up feeling quite fresh, full of joy and ready for the next day’s journey. After finishing our ablutions and enjoying a substantial breakfast, we started walking towards Panchatarni, our last stop. On the way we had to walk on snow while passing the Mahaa Gunash (Ganesh) pass, which is at a height of 14500 feet, the highest on our way to Amarnath. The
air there was light and there was difficulty breathing. Fortunately the whole day was quite sunny and bright, and slowly we passed the Mahagunash pass, and then easily came down to Panchatarani at a height of 11.500 ft. It is a valley from where some small springs come down from different sides meet and flow downwards. We reached Panchatarani at about five in the evening. Gulam Kadir had reached before us and put up our tent and waiting for us, smiling before the tent.
We passed the night of 22nd August peacefully, in quiet happiness talking and dreaming about our darshan of Lord Amarnath the next morning.
We got up early in the morning and prepared ourselves for the last climb to Lord Amarnath. Again the announcement was made that those who can go up foot will be allowed to go up to the cave. It so happened that many could not have the darshan of Lord Amarnath even though they had come up to Panchatarni. Among them were some of the Swamijis of Ramakrishna Mission whom I met later after coming down from the cave of Amarnath. Though the climb is narrow and the path a bit difficult, we easily climbed up and reached the cave of Amarnath, which is at a height of 12500 ft. By the side of the cave flows Amar Ganga- a small rivulet, coming out of the ice-cave. The water is icey cold, but many people of all ages old and young, were taking their bath before entering the cave. The sun was shining brightly and I was dragged as it were to plunge in the cold waters of Amarganga. I took three dips and came out, the body all numb with cold. Natvar Bhai was waiting with my clothes. He did not take his bath. Because of the hot sun, I was fine after a few minutes and then we together climbed to the cave. The cave has a big open mouth like entrance. Inside there are lingas in three corners. The biggest is the Shivalinga, the Lord Amarnath. In the other corner a flat linga is called Parvatiji, and
the other lingam is that of Ganesha. While entering the cave I was almost in a deep meditation mood. My mind was vacant, void, I was almost falling down, but Natvar Bhai held me by the hand and after paying my obeisance at all the three lings,one by one. I came out with Natvar Bhai and sat down on a rock outside for a few minutes.
We came down from the cave to Panchatarni by 12.00 noon. Gulam Kadir was ready to start our Journey downwards, having packed the tent and all the other things. We finished our lunch together, hired two horses to go down upto Seshanaag, which we reached in the evening. Instead of staying at Seshanaag we came down a little further at Zozipal, just above the Pisughati. We passed the night at Zozipal.
On 24th August, we got up early in the morning and after tea and breakfast came down the descent of Pisughati and reached Chandanvadi at about 10.30 in the morning. At the end of our pilgrimage to Amarnath, we walked the last distance of 10 miles from Chandanvadi to Pahelgam; back to our hotel Regal by 3 pm. Both of us rested in Pahelgam that evening and night, and left for Srinagar next morning i.e. 25th August by bus. We reached Srinagar at about 2 pm.
Friends of Natvar Bhai were waiting at the bus with their car and took us to the House Boat “Windsor” which they had already hired.
I passed three days in Srinagar with Natvar Bhai and his friends during whom we visited different places round about Srinagar. One day we went to Tanmarga , Gulmarga, Khilanmarga, etc. another day we went to Gandarbal, Manasbal and Woole lakes Shopore, Baramullah, Pattan and other places.
I took the train from Pathankot on 30th evening and reached Sealdah at about 7.30 pm on 1st September.
Before leaving Sri Ramakrishna Maha Sammelan Ashram for Amarnath, I had written a postcard to Anirvanji and informed him about my possible date of return.
After returning to Calcutta, I wrote a detailed letter to Sri Anirvan about my actual pilgrimage to Lord Amarnath.
Unfortunately, I did not keep a copy of that letter, nor do I have the letter, which I wrote to Sharad and Sudha from Srinagar.
Anyway, Anirvanji wrote to me this letter after receiving my letter.
Om Haimavati-
P.O. Shillong
12.9.64.
My dear Gautam,
Your letter of the 4th giving a detailed account of your pilgrimage reached me here on the 7th. While reading it, scenes rose before the mind’s eye and seemed to transport me to the very places where you were. The whole adventure was a concentrated tapasya on your part, a lever to raise your consciousness to a higher level. It does not matter if you had not seen or heard anything specific. That would have bound you and not left you a free agent of the Lord. What you have achieved is a change of consciousness and that is the right thing. If you can maintain the height you have reached, you will have done what was expected of you. The rest will follow in due course.
In his last letter this week Mrs. Chatterjee says that the anonymous friend hopes to lay the foundation of the new Haimavati in ten or twelve days and as it is a simple structure, the whole will be finished by the middle of December.
(In fact only the plinth of the house was laid and the whole of Haimavati was ready for occupation by the end of April 1965. Sri Anirvan came over to say at Narendrapur Haimavati on 2nd May 1965. From 19th November 1964 to 1st May 1965 Anirvanji stayed at 6H, Keyatala Road.)
I shall have to go to Allahabad from Calcutta, if my friend lives through these months. He is now in precarious condition.
Anyhow I want to begin work from the middle of December. I have written to Bina about the new turn of things and she approves of it.
(it was Bina Das who was trying for the Hridaypur site! But Binadi also knew of the new arrangement at Narendrapur. I too! But we all kept it a secret before he came down to Calcutta)
I am glad that Narayani has almost finished her work on the Aitareya, Haimavati willing, I hope to do many things with her. Give her my love and congratulations.
Here on Saturdays, I am working with Sandhya on the Kena Upanishad. I have hit upon a new plan. At a sitting, I revise the notes and slowly dictate to her and the result is almost finished product, which will require very little further revision. And it is also quicker than if I would have written the whole thing by myself. I don’t know how far we shall be able to go in Kena before I leave. Anyway I shall apply the same method to Katha, Prasna and Mundaka with the help of Narayani and when I have dictated she will collate and edit the whole thing.
I hope this will reach you before Sharad leaves. Give him a bagful of special good wishes from me.
And love to you all – a special quota for the little darling Swagata
– Ever yours…………….
A
8/11/08 I have two more letters of Sri Anirvan during September 1964. There might be one or two more letters of Sri Anirvan during September 1964. There might be one or two more letters during October, but I do not find them in my file. Perhaps they were postcards. Anyway on both sides, we are all getting ready for the arrival of Sri Anirvan at Calcutta. Haimavati at Narendrapur is under construction. Anirvanji is busy with the second volume of Veda Mimamsa.
Sharad goes on his short business tour and returns by the middle of October. We decide that Jyoti and Munni (Madhavi-Anirvanji’s Swagata) also will go to Shillong to bring Anirvanji to Calcutta. Binadi too decides to go to Shillong along with Sharad and Jyoti. We are all so excited!
Om Haimavati-
Shillong1-
19.9.64.
Your letter of the 19th (it must have been a earlier date). Usha came to me yesterday. I have got the books and Locula.
Thank you. Bari will come on Sunday.
I am working hard, but rhythmically. I don’t feel the strain. I don’t work at all when I am not in a mood for it. I think, I shall not be able to finish the second volume before I go down. Perhaps about fifty pages will remain to be written. And even then the chapter on the Gods will not be completed. The book is growing. Well, let it grow. I don’t care even if it is not finished.
Swagata reminds me of Ahana. She also was a yogini- a wonderful child for the first few years. Flowers are always beautiful, even if the fruits are not so. Let us be happy with what we have. Perhaps it is a law that the first appearance is always a full manifestation of the Divine. Then gradually the glory recedes. Let us hope in Swagata’s case, the fruit also will be as sweet as the flower. Hope is God!
Don’t worry about Bablu. If he is upright and honest, that is enough. Idealism will come to him later on. Children generally take not after the father but after the grandfather. There is always a gap between the generations. I have noticed it in many cases. Let everyone follow his own Dharma.
How is Kiki? Working hard? Tell her, I often remember her. She must make good her promise time.
With love for you all.
Ever yours………
A.
P.S. Perhaps Sharad has left?
In my next letter to Sri Anirvan, I gave Anirvanji all the details about the construction of the new building for Haimavati at Narendrapur; at village Elachi under Narendrapur P.O. Thus came the next letter.
Om Haimavati,
Shillong-1-
28.9.64
My dear Gautam,
Your letter of the 18th. You must have got my letter of the last week. I got all the things all night. Thank you.
So Haimavati wishes to convert Hridaypur to Narendrapur! Well and good. Let Her will be done! Strange enough among my friends of childhood, I am still known as Naren. What a coincidence.
(Anirvanji’s name in his young age was Narendra Chandra Dhar. His father’s name was Raj Chandra Dhar. His Sanyas name was Swami Swarnpananda. Narendra was called Naren for short, like his friends Birendra- Biren and Dhirendra-Dhiren!)
My friend at Allahabad is seriously ill. (Dhirendra Chandra Dasgupta. He passed away in the 1st week of October 1964). I am expecting the last news any moment. If by a miracle he lives on, I shall have to go to Allahabad after reaching Calcutta. If not, I shall go nowhere and after resting a week, begin my work at Calcutta. The second vol. of V.M. has to be finished as soon as possible. The book is growing. It will keep me occupied for the coming five years. I think I shall begin the work at Keyatala and shift to Narendrapur when everything is ready. No hurry.
I have only five or six Saturdays before I leave. Kenopanishad will not be finished I am afraid. It can be done in Calcutta.
As I am dictating the whole thing after consulting the notes are taken down from the tape record. So I am not going to suggest anything to Sandhya. I don’t want to meddle in her affairs and I never did. I feel, she is not free now as she was.
Though, I have an open mind; I don’t think a marriage between spirituality and communism is still possible. It is her duty to follow the path of the man of her choice. My intrusion may bring in a discordant note. When a man possesses a woman, he naturally wants to have her whole. Divided loyalty is no good. So, I shall be the last person to cross her path.
I shall remain a cave man even in Narendrapur as here in Shillong. So, I don’t think, I shall have to Sacrifice my loneliness.
If a strict routine is followed, I can give my friends, plenty of company by retaining my loneliness. The Five Year Plan has to be implemented. But She knows.
I think Sharad has left. Give him my best wishes of super-brand when you write to him. A wireless and silent communication to little Swagata. To you all, bushels of love and good wishes.
Ever yours……….
A
The month of October passed very quickly. Sharad, Jyoti, little Madhavi and Binadi left for Shillong on 29th October.
Sharad with the help of Prof. Panigrahi arranged for packing of the huge library of Anirvanji, and dispatched them to Calcutta by truck. They packed the most necessary books for them by passenger parcel along with their luggage.
The whole party, headed by Anirvanji left Shillong on 15th November, took the train from Gauhati on 17th November and arrived at Calcutta on 19th November.
Anirvanji took complete rest for about four days and began his usual work from 24th November. We had temporarily arranged for his stay in the big room of Sharad and Jyoti at the back of our Keyatala Road house.
"MY LIFE WITH SRI ANIRVAN" BY SRI GOUTAM DHARMAPAL, PART TWO, CONTINUED
Shillong
14.4.61.
Dear Gautambhai,
My New Year greetings to you all. My love and blessing to Bablu and Kiki (Apurva and Aparna).
I am extremely pleased to your letter this time: I am feeling a great sense of peace to know that you all consider me one of you. Truly speaking, it is Swamiji (Anirvanji) who has built up the bridge between us. Rather he is the bridge. I do not know on what blessed day I happened to get him as Guru, as father, as a dear friend (sakha). My small and ordinary cup of life is filled to the brim by his unbounded grace. I hear the call of the infinite, of the unbounded in the bounded finite.
You have well said, Swamiji considers his pure consciousness as ether akasha. I have often heard this from him.Varuna and Aditi. These are the two forms of the great void. If varuna is the presiding dutyof Ether- Akash- Aditi is His Shakti- Power, Energy. He says, Varuna and Aditi, the couple- “mithuna” of the great void- “Mahasunya” are the God and the Goddess worshipped by him; and this Aditi indeed is the Non-self void- nairatmya-rupini shunyata” of Buddha.
At sometime I had told Swamiji about your experience. Swamiji said, “without talking about himself he told me what he felt about Bandhuji. Seeing Bandhu for the first time he had felt that a great force was burning in itself, dazzling like the Mid-Day sun.
Yes Gautambhai, I too sometimes felt like going down to Calcutta and stay with you. But all the time, I think of Swamiji.
He always says, “Don’t try to create any situation on your own. What happens naturally, in course of time, accept it with joy. Nothing happens at your will. Everything happens at His will. Therefore surrender to Him fully at that time.”
I am trying to follow that in my life. You know in what disturbing circumstances, I am passing through. Of course, that turmoil is outside- my inner being is like a small but clear lake and I do not allow to fade the shadow, the image of the infinite sky that falls on it. That is the consolation that I have even in the great sorrow.
With love……
Sandhya
The next letter from Anirvanji is from Haimavati, Shillong Dated 4.6.61.
My dear G,
Your letter of the 26th. Perhaps you have received Sandhya’s letter by this time. Radhesh’s (Sandhya’s elder brother) marriage is going to take place very soon. The date has been fixed for the 26th June. Let us hope everything will come off smoothly.
I agree with your political plan. But nobody will hear us. If India is to go to ruins, let her go as soon as possible. Things have become unbearable for a few sensitive persons. The rest simply do not care.
Naturally, the reaction to such surroundings is more and more of inwardisation. In the inmost recess of one’s heart, one has the Truth. But it cannot be protected outwards. Perhaps, we shall have to wait long and long, till at last the curtain falls as Death. I understand the pangs which you are passing through. It is the preparation. Before we have the creative joy, we have to go through this creative pain. I cannot wish that this pain leaves you, neither do you. I would rather say,
“Let the fire burn more and more. Till no fuel is left. Then the void will catch fire and the phase of creative joy start.”
Is it not sweet to suffer for the Thing for which we can stake all?
You have written about your financial position. How are things going on?
My love for you all
Ever yours…
A.
27.9.08 Here I have a quote from Sri Anirvan’s letter in Bangla dated 167.61.
“Man is only a symbol, the goal is God. However great a man may be, never place him on the seat of God. If you want to see God in Man, you should see him first in your heart. The person who inspires you to see God in your own heart, may be a superhuman person, a maha-manava, but he is not God. Keep God above all and everything. Therein lies the Good.”
Here I am reminded of an Urdu couplet. Adam ko khuda mat kaho, adam khuda nahi hai. Don’t call man a God. Man is not God. But (again) man is not different, separate from the Light of God.
The first volume of Veda Mimamsa, the Vedic Exegesis, of Sri Anirvan was published in May-June 1961. He started the work on Veda Mimamsa in 1958, after Dr. Gourinath Shastri’s visit to Shillong. It was then that Dr. Shastri, the principal of Sanskrit College, Calcutta, had met Sri Anirvan and requested him to write something on the Veda for their Calcutta Sanskrit College Research Series. As soon as the book was published it was highly applauded by the learned, and the West Bengal Government welcomed it by bestowing on it the honour of Robindra Puraskara.
During this period I was beset with many problems and decided to pass a few quiet days at Shillong in the silent company of Anirvanji.
After getting the consent from Sri Anirvan I embarked on the journey on 12th August. This time my Journey to and from Shillong was a bit hazardous.
I reached Pandu rather late at night on 14th August. There was no direct train from Calcutta to Gauhati. We had to cross the river Padma at Sakarigali Ghat and Pandu on the side of Gauhati by steamer, disembarking from one train and embarking on the other side on another train. To find one’s reserved seat was a great problem. With great difficulty I found the sleeping quarters in the railway colony of Pandu, passed the night there, and took a bus to Shillong from Pandu in the early morning.
I should have reached Shillong before noon, but our bus met with an accident on the way. There was a landslide on the slippery mountainous road and a big tree fell just on the front hood of the bus. A few seconds more and the tree would have crushed the roof of the bus and left many injured. Fortunately no one was injured, not even the driver, and the machine too was unhurt and remained in good working condition. It took three to four hours to remove the tree trunk, cutting it at several places and start the journey again. By the time I reached Sri Aurobindo Path Mandir, it was almost evening, the evening program of the Path Mandir was over, and refreshments were being distributed at the end of the program, it being Sri Aurobindo’s 90th Birthday.
The return journey was more adventurous. I left Shillong on 2nd October with Shikha, a niece of Sandhya, who accompanied me to Calcutta, took the train from Gauhati, and crossing the Brahmaputra River, reached Barauni. The railway tracks were washed away in the heavy rains, so we had to get down the train with our luggage, huddle ourselves in a truck and reach Mokama junction at a distance of a few miles, sometimes pushing the truck in deep waters. From Mokama we again took the train and reached Calcutta on 5th October.
This time Sri Dasgupta was in charge of the Path Mandir, and I was given a room at the rear of the Mandir, facing Sri Anirvan’s Haimavati which was at the far end of the spacious compound. I spent one and a half months in the quiet and peaceful atmosphere of the place. One felt the force of silence emanating from the centre throughout the whole area of the Path Mandir. Apart from the evenings, I spent the whole day in silent meditation, doing all my personal work.
I used to go to Anirvanji every evening between six and eight, except on the days when Anirvanji had special appointments elsewhere, or when he held discussions at the Path Mandir. Generally the talks were held on Saturday evenings. Even during the evening meetings, we talked in silence mostly, sometimes exchanging information. It was like sitting before Sri Raman Maharshi at Tiruvannamalli, the only difference being that I was more intimate with Sri Anirvan and could talk freely in the same language.
28.9.08 During my stay ai Shillong, one day I visited Sandhya’s house and one day Sandhya and I went for a walk at a beautiful place called Shillong Summit, from where, if the light of the day permits, Mount Everest can be seen.
Sadly, Usha Bhattacharya’s mother passed away. Anirvanji and I attended the sraddha ceremony.
One day I went with Anirvanji to the vegetable market of Shillong, managed mostly by the Khasi women. It was a sight to see. Anirvanji would stand silently before the preferred stall. He looked like a fakir. The Khasi Assamese women would attend first to well dressed people, rich prospective customers who purchased large quantities of vegetables even though Anirvanj was waiting before they came. Anirvanji neither said a word nor pushed himself forward, simply waited silently with a little smile on his face. That day, I tried to intervene. But he stopped me by a gesture.
29.9.08 I returned to Calcutta on 5th October 1961, after nearly one and a half months retreat at Shillong in the charged spiritual atmosphere.
Anirvanji came down to Calcutta with Sandhya in the last week of December 1961, and after a short stay in Calcutta left for Ranchi, Patna, Allahabad and Delhi, the places he regularly visited in winter since the forties. Sandhya too accompanied him. From Delhi, he returned to Calcutta on 31st January 1962.
During this period I went to Varanasi with Sudha and Narayani Basu, wife of Dr. Atindra Basu, a friend of ours since 1948-49. Dr. Atindra Basu had suddenly passed away in London on 17th October 1961, where he had gone on research for his book on Anarchism. Since then Narayani Basu had become a close friend.
The main purpose of our visiting Varanasi this time was to attend the talks of Sri J. Krishnamurti which were being held there between 22nd December to 18th January 1962. Tapas, who was by now a staunch devotee of Krishnamurti, had arranged for our stay at Bescent Vihar, Varanasi, on the bank of the river Varuna, where Krishnamurti usually stayed and gave his lectures. Tapas also arranged a special meeting for us with Sri J. Krishnamurti.
On our way back to Calcutta we visited Gaya and Buddha Gaya.
Anirvanji and Sandhya passed the month of February 1962 at our place, 6H, Keyatala Road. This was Anirvanji’s general program when stayed with us at Keyatala Road. He got up very early in the morning, and by 6 am finished his regular Asana, Pranayama, and so forth.
7.30 to 9.00 am Upanishad class.
9.00 to 10.00 am Reading or interviews.
10.00 to 11.00 am Going for a walk to the lakes which is very near.
11.00 to 12.00 noon Bath and lunch.
12.00 to 2.00 pm Reading newspapers- rest.
2.00 to 4.00 pm Personal work, no interviews.
4.00 to 5.00 pm Individual interviews.
5.00 to 8.00 pm Talks at Sri Aurobindo Path Mandir, or open session at Keyatala Road or visit to some places.
8.00 to 10.00 pm Dinner, general conversation with family members and close friends.
On the first of March 1962, Anirvanji and Sandhya left for Shillong by plane and I resumed my normal activities.
We held our weekly Dharma Sabha every Sunday morning from 10.00 to 11.30 am. until Anirvanji came over to Calcutta at the end of 1964,
After sending a postcard informing us about his reaching Shillong, Anirvanji wrote me a letter on 7th March 1962.
My dear Gautam,
You must have received my P.C. by this time. I could not write to you on Sunday, as I was very busy with some repairs to be done. I am now almost settled and hope to begin work from next Monday. The cold is still very severe. In addition to that it has been raining from the past two days. Today a biting wind is blowing and it seems that we have been put to cold storage!
I often remember the strenuous but happy days that I spend with you. This time the family was running very smoothly and all of you had some time to spare.
I hope you remember what I told you before I left. I feel very deeply for you. You are the head of a spiritual family and Bandhuji’s mantle has fallen upon you. Even if you are in no mood for work just now, you must help the family and the cause by radiating peace, strength and joy to others. I can assure you that you shall always be in my thoughts. Live deeply, truly and energetically.
Sandhya’s school opens today. Her elder sister-in-law and the ailing child were to be released from hospital last Monday.
I hope the child is quite all right now. Sandhya has asked me to send to you all her love.
Bablu must have been back from the camp. How did he fare there?
My love to you and Sudha, Sharad, Jyoti, Bablu and Kiki.
Please write to me as often as you can.
Ever yours………
A.
Again on 25th March 1962, Anirvanji writes from Shillong.
My dear Gautam,
Excuse me in taking out long time in answering your letter. I have been racing with time.
If for one reason or another I miss one Sunday it becomes impossible to find an opportunity of writing a letter. During the weekdays, though I had thought of doing so, the last two weeks. The result was that many and many mental dispatches have been send to you during the whole time. Perhaps that is the easier way and costs you nothing!
I am glad to hear that you are determined to carry on the torch. That’s brave! The foundation stone is always deep in the earth beyond the sight of men, but it is strong to uphold the whole super- structure. Live deep within yourself, let your whole life become a “flame-song” as the rishi used to say. I have much much hope in you. You and Sudha like two comrades-in-arms, as one might say, like Krishna and Panshali, and Sharad and Jyoti like Vasistha and Arundhati is it not a glorious dream? Well, you will surely have your golden deerskin; I shall not forget.
To live deeply, fully, truly and let all works become an emanation of light, that is what we have to achieve.
Sandhya is all right. She sends you her love. Radesh’s wife has been sent to the hospital for delivery two days ago and yet there is no news. We hope everything will come off all right.
With love,
ever yours,
A.
Replies